So...I don't really know what is going on. I've felt strange all day, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Strike that, I get this feeling from time to time, so I can't say I haven't ever felt this way before. Actually its been an almost constant underlying feeling ever since I can remember. I have never been able to figure out what causes it.
I have my conjectures, of course.
1. Somehow, being a product of my generation no doubt, I feel removed from something. Like I've lost something, I don't think any of us really understand how, but its just not there. A missing piece; a connection to something that is always just beyond our grasp, never knowing what IT is. Like chickens with no heads, each of us scurry to find our way, when in all honesty the truth lies within.
2. A piece of our world has been hidden from us, hidden in plain view. With each passing generation we remove ourselves that much further from our original Mother: Earth. We see the trees, planted here or there for the aesthetics of it, but do we feel them? Do you know the smell of rain before it comes? Can you hear what the wind whispers in your ear? How can any of us be expected to feel whole when that from which we came is denied us? I yearn for the black of night if only for the fulfilling sight of the night sky. I long to feel bare feet against the dusty mountain trails. I miss the sound of silence in an empty clearing. I can no longer feel the beat of Mother Earth and my soul is hollow without it.
But none of this heals the ache in my chest. The desperate need to be whole driving relentlessly forward, leaves me kneeling beneath the weight of it. It never fades, never weakens, never goes unnoticed. I have never known a world with out it but I KNOW that something is wrong. How to fill this void is anyone's guess.
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